An important advice to all lovers: Don't miss this important talk

(By Pius Vilakati, writing as Mr Pius Rinto)

So you fall in love, perhaps get married. But then in any relationship you must be able to freely talk to each other. I’m not referring to talking when there are problems between the two of you. I’m about everyday talk. Let’s see how you will fare as I help you build your relationship.

Soapies

Let’s say that you will talk about Generations, Isidingo, Skeem Saam, Isibaya, Bold & The Beautiful, Scandal, etc. Oops! Your partner does not like soapies. Then, no talks about soapies for the two of you. Let’s quickly move on.

Sports

Since soapies don’t provide a meeting place for the two of you, I suggest you talk about sports. Then you’ll have some interesting thoughts about the weekend games, who’ll be the next world player of the year, and who’ll win the South African premiership this season. Hey, you can even talk about whether Collins Mbesuma will be the top goal scorer this year. Interesting discussions, I can already foresee.

Ooh no! Now I remember that your partner wants nothing to do with sports. Soccer is even worse! Your partner, if I recall, just loves soapies. If you can love soapies too, you can be the best of lovers, joined at the hip. Your partner simply thinks that Christiano Ronaldo was once a contestant in America’s Next Top Model and always wonders why the Swaziland national team coach never plays Didier Drogba when he is so good. So, I guess sports are a definite no for the both of you. So let’s move on.

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News and politics

Yep! Now I’ve figured it out. You both have brains, right? Good! Speak about the news and politics. Speak about the ongoing USA elections processes. Donald Trump is getting on everybody’s nerves, except the white supremacists. That’s a good start. Go on and talk about the influence of the Gupta family in South African politics. How about the recent African Union summit? I’m sure it will work. It’s still fresh in your minds. Zimbabwe president, Robert Mugabe, is a very interesting leader. Don’t you think?

Well, I see your face frowning and then I remember that by the way your partner gets easily bored by news and politics, whether community, regional, national or world.

Your partner, by the way, doesn’t care whether the Syrian war is still continuing or not, and literally doesn’t even know where Syria is. Yes, you can talk a lot about the atomic bomb that was dropped by the USA on Japan and killed hundreds of thousands of innocent Japanese people, but your partner doesn’t even know that there was ever a war of such magnitude! Sorry, I didn’t mean to be this blunt.  

Showbiz and entertainment

Now, here is an area where the both of you can meet. You’ve both gone through teenage years, and thus have a wealth of knowledge in these issues. You’ve sang along R Kelly’s songs from track 1 to the last in every album, marvelled at the magnificent voice of Whitney Houston.

But let’s face it, the only reason you are talking about the Oscar Awards is because you feel that black people are marginalised in these awards, although you don’t even know half the black actors and actresses that have actually been overlooked (Eish you and I are in the same boat on this one). But then your partner is a direct opposite of you in this regard; cares little about some ‘non-existent’ Hollywood racism, but knows almost all the top actors and actresses.

Speaking of opposites…

Opposites attract

Opposites attract, right? This should be it. The fact that you are opposites on all the above-mentioned fields is the reason for your spark. Isn’t it? Well, but even if you are opposites, which ought to attract the two of you to each other, you’ll still have to talk, just talk, nothing more. What will you talk about? Or you will allow your “opposites” get you to interact? When you are sitting on your couch, as you watch Karabo on Generations saying she wants to marry two husbands or when you watch Suffocate’s little brother on Rhythm City having some secret good times with his big brother’s wife, what will you be saying to each other? Oh you’ll be reading the newspaper? I see.

Alright, if everything else fails, you’ll speak about Eritrea then! Eish, but this might not work out very well.

Today’s session is over. Let’s investigate other areas of interaction tomorrow because today we couldn’t find any meeting point except…